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Pretzel Logic
Over the next several days Philadelphians are going to have to ask themselves a very difficult question: Who do you fear more, bin Laden or bin Drinkin’?
If recent history is any indication, as evil as bin Laden is, the bin Drinkin’ idiots who will pour into town next Tuesday will wreak far greater havoc here during 24 hours of Mardi Gras celebrations on South Street than the followers of the world’s wealthiest cave dweller will wreak citywide during the four-day-long NBA All-Star festival.
“It’s apples and oranges,” says my old neighbor, Cool Hand Bill Fisher, el capitán of the Philadelphia Police Department’s Civil Affairs unit, when I ask him to compare police preparations for the star-studded All-Star stuff and the inevitable riot that will take place somewhere near South Street sometime around the 11 p.m. newscasts.
“The first thing is, as of right now, looking at it from a Civil Affairs perspective, there is no indication of any groups coming to protest the sneaker companies,” says Fisher, who was responsible for keeping relative calm in Philadelphia during the 2000 GOP convention.
Initially, says Fisher, police were concerned that “given the child-labor situation, that sneaker companies would be targets for protesters.” A massing of anti-Nike-types, however, no longer appears to be the case.
Another major difference between security precautions for All-Star week, which consists of tightly controlled, ticket-only events, and Mardi Gras, which is open to anyone, is the combination of heightened national security concerns in the wake of Sept. 11 added to the usual security precautions taken for athletes and other glitterati who will be bopping about Philadelphia from one overpriced exclusive party to another.
In addition to the normal contingent of Philadelphia police officers working such a major sporting event/celebrity glamfest, Fisher says the NBA is kicking in money to pay off-duty officers to help keep things safe during sanctioned events at the First Union Center, where the game itself will take place Feb. 10, and at various high-profile functions. Police Inspector Frank Pryor adds that as of Wednesday morning there were no credible threats of terrorist activity.
Still, just because the Super Bowl went off without a hitch doesn’t mean folks in Philadelphia are taking lightly the threats posed by bin Laden.
As for the threats posed by bin Drinkin’, Fisher says Philly police have learned lessons from last year, when inebriated hoodlums, mostly from New Jersey and the western suburbs, went on a rampage, fighting, smashing windows and generally treating the area around South Street like some kind of vast, blacktopped porta-potty.
One change is that Civil Affairs officers will be out in force next Tuesday, which, considering how well this unit has performed in previous tense situations — diffusing a potential race riot in Grays Ferry as well as stellar work at the GOP convention — has to be good news for area merchants and residents, who saw their neighborhood infiltrated and trashed by a mob of unruly thugs who’d bin Drinkin’.
There’s only so much we can do about bin Laden. But why can’t we get this Fat Tuesday thing down right? I posed that question to an expert — Lt. Sid Bournes of the New Orleans Police Department.
Bournes, now NOPD spokesman, spent 12 years as a motorcycle cop in the thick of the Bourbon Street action. But a dozen years is only a drop in the bucket compared to how long New Orleans has celebrated Mardi Gras. And that, says Bournes, is the point.
“We have 200-plus years of experience,” says Bournes. “We have you beat on time. Everybody here grew up with Mardi Gras. Maybe the fact that [Philadelphians] did not grow up with it and do not understand it is part of the reason” for Philly’s Mardi Gras mishegoss.
“This is part of our culture,” says Bournes. “It’s perhaps like taking some strange custom from Japan and thrusting it on the people of Philadelphia.”
Unlike Philadelphia, where, according to Fisher, there will be a zero-tolerance policy toward transgressors, NOPD officers have a different attitude, says Bournes.
“We have a very high tolerance level in terms of police on the streets,” says Bournes. “We are less likely to grab a guy on the first encounter and put him in jail. We remind people who are being disruptive that they are here to have a good time, and usually that is enough. If it continues, we do what we have to do.”
Bournes is quick to point out that he is not criticizing Philly police methods because “I do not know what happened there.” And, having come off Super Bowl week, he is sympathetic to what will transpire here.
The bottom line, however, is that Bournes vouches for N’awlins-style policing when it comes to these things.
During Super Bowl week, the NOPD made 387 arrests, well above the average weekly tally, says Bournes, which was not bad considering that there were more than 100,000 people in town — 112 of whom were arrested for public intoxication.
Bournes’ advice to Philadelphia is to learn about Mardi Gras and to try to enjoy it.
“Don’t give up on it,” he says, adding that folks in the Crescent City have learned to take the right attitude.
“As we say, laissez les bon ton roulette,” says Bournes. “If people are not in a bon ton roulette frame of mind, they came to the wrong place. They should hop a transport to one of those places where they have a soccer game and fight each other.”
Hmm … except for the soccer games, that sounds a lot like Philadelphia on Fat Tuesday.
