Word count: 852 | Reading time: 4 min read
Pretzel Logic
Big Marty Weinberg had his arms spread wide as he walked out of Courtroom 285 in City Hall a court-anointed resident of this city.
Wading into a sea of lights and cameras and microphones and notebooks, Big Marty told the assemblage that it was time to cut out all the funny business and get down to what voters really want to hear about—how the future mayor will deal with crime, schools and taxes.
“This kind of sideshow situation that candidates bring and dirty tricks and all that stuff, I think people are just turned off,” Big Marty gushed to the demanding mob.
He challenged his opponents to a series of weekly debates, to be held in different neighborhoods, debates even he would attend as long as everyone else did.
His clarion call for decency concluded, Big Marty then cried foul, complaining about how Ed Rendell shoppedthe lawsuit concept to his four Democratic mayoral opponents, who, according to Gar Josephs in the Daily News, conspired in secret to discuss which candidate would fall on the sword and sue Big Marty.
“Talking about how they can plan a strategy against me is totally unfair,” Big Marty emoted to the crowd of reporters. “I just want to travel around this city, as I have for the last year, and talk about the issues. I don’t want to talk about a lot of the nonsense because people don’t want to hear about that.”
Touching stuff, really.
Quite a change of tune from last week, when the Weinberg campaign—via the political hit squad of State Senator Vinny Fumo and his attorney, Little Dickie Sprague—threatened to sue Happy Fernandez for having the unmitigated gall to legally challenge the residency of Big Marty, who moves around more often than the pea in a shell game.
Vinny Fumo didn’t want to deal with the hassles of running for mayor, so he did the next best thing.
The helicopter-flying Mensa-worthy genius went shopping for a candidate.
Someone who, at the very least, would always leave the door open so Fumo could visit Room 215.
And maybe rearrange the furniture while he was there.
Even with all his money and power and influence, Fumo’s first two shopping sprees were unfruitful.
He struck out with the Tommyknockers—Thomases Leonard and Knox, who, like Fumo, also opted against running.
Finally, there was Big Marty Weinberg, who earns a good chunk of his considerable keep from a fat Gas Works law contract.
Weinberg—more than delighted to be chosen by Fumo, money man Bill Batoff and former Rendell chief of staff David Cohen—thus began his career as a third-string Vinceketeer.
Chosen to receive the money and the power and the glory. And the influence of Vince.
How much influence?
In the flap over Big Marty’s residency, did the Weinberg Machine give us a glimpse of the future?
Of life with Big Marty as mayor?
Big Marty, the well-funded candidate with the million-dollar TV ad campaign, sicced the dogs on Happy Fernandez, who raised a legitimate, albeit politically motivated, question—one that Weinberg always knew would be raised about his $675,000 Penn Valley manse, far removed from the rowhomes his ads gush so tenderly about.
Her filing was a routine part of the democratic process.
Last week Weinberg didn’t see it that way.
He didn’t see, in this city where the First Amendment was born, that people have a right to question their leaders.
Enter Fumo and Sprague.
Fumo, a guy who is suing me in part because I made fun of his name, made fun of Happy for hers. According to the dailies, Fumo asked reporters at a press conference why she didn’t use her given name, Gladys.
Fumo (who was proven correct in his assertion that there was a conspiracy against Big Marty) also made fun of reporters for not understanding what it’s like to be rich.
Then he and Little Dickie really let Happy have it.
They threatened to sue her for questioning Weinberg’s residency—Sprague reminding reporters that he was the guy who beat the Inky out of $34 million.
Oh, and they were going to attach Fernandez’s assets as well.
Threats if ever I heard any.
Will this be the way of the Weinberg regime? Questions answered by lawsuits? Challenges met by insults? I tried to find out from Big Marty, after his big courtroom victory.
“I don’t want to talk about what anyone else is advising,” Weinberg said when I asked him if he was still sue-happy over Happy. “I am my own man. I will make the decision. I have great respect for Mr. Sprague. I have great respect for the political figures who give me advice. I am going to make the decision.”
Weinberg, however, declined to say what that decision will be. So did his press guy, Bill Miller, who said the campaign “is awaiting advice of counsel.” That counsel—Little Dickie Sprague—refused to comment.
So, you can hope Big Marty chooses wisely and muzzles Fumo and Sprague.
But why chance it?
Make your own decision.
In the voting booth on May 18.
