Word count: 933 | Reading time: 4 min read
Pretzel Logic
Like one of those Japanese soldiers who hid out in caves decades past the end of the Big One, bayonets at the ready, waiting for the right day to seize glory for the emperor, Phil Berg is holding out until way past the end, fighting for what he believes is right.
Last seen in these parts running in the Democratic primary for the U.S. Senate, Berg has embarked on a new crusade.
Just days before George Bush will move into the White House, Berg is making noise about filing a federal lawsuit against Bush, Cheney and the whole crew, seeking to throw out the results that have led to what he calls “the unfortunate inauguration of the wrong president.”
“THE FAT LADY,” states Berg’s press release in bold-faced capital letters, “HAS NOT SUNG YET!”
Perhaps not in his mind.
But she will surely be waltzing at an inaugural ball.
This isn’t Phil Berg’s first wacky idea.
During the Senate campaign, Berg, a former deputy Pennsylvania attorney general known mostly as a pro-abortion, pro-drug-legalization zealot, posited an intriguing theory about how to better control guns.
Stick them on the highest shelf in the closet, Berg argued. High enough so the kiddies can’t reach them.
Clinging dearly to the one-time party line that Ed Rendell so quickly jettisoned, Berg speaks enthusiastically about overcounts and undercounts from his Montgomery County office.
“I believe and others believe,” Berg says, “that the Florida election needs to be overturned. There is evidence of widespread fraud in Florida.”
Just what that evidence is Berg isn’t yet saying, other than to hint at the long-simmering case of a Georgia firm with close ties to the Bush family that Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris hired to remove “felons” from the Florida voting list.
Like a tuna net sucking in dolphins, Berg says that this company removed voters convicted of misdemeanors or of no crimes at all. A plot, says Berg, to keep minorities from the polls.
A lot of people are investigating this, Berg says, again not offering any specifics.
And many folks are sending in checks to pay for this soon-to-be lawsuit.
How much, and the source of those donations, Berg, once again, is not saying.
“A lot of people have contacted me,” says Berg. “Substantial people.”
So who’s the most influential?
“I can’t tell you,” says the ever-mum Berg. “I have been in contact with congressmen. Yesterday, a major consulting firm contacted me. People are upset by what transpired. We send President Carter around the world making sure elections are proper and this happens here. We are a laughingstock.”
There’s no doubt people are upset. And of course a nation that likes to spread the word about democracy looks rather foolish in light of what transpired in the Sunshine State.
But on the day Berg is having this conversation, George Bush’s choice for attorney general, John Ashcroft, loser to a dead man, sits before the Senate. He’s being grilled by the liberals, but he’s in front of the Senate nonetheless.
It is the clearest indication that, as much as Phil Berg and his minions want to reclaim the White House as the plundered booty of a dirty war, there is no turning back.
The war is over. The emperor has lost.
Yet Berg still refuses to surrender.
“Ash-croft,” Berg says, spitting out the two-syllable name like a phlegm ball. “His beliefs are so out of tune with the laws of the nation.”
Berg may be a diehard, but he is not completely deluded.
“I think he will be confirmed,” Berg says. “We all know the attorney general sets the path and direction for law enforcement. We have to watch every move of Ash-croft and the Bush administration.”
Berg is likewise realistic about the chances that his lawsuit will change history.
“I have an uphill battle,” he says. “But we have evidence of an apparent conspiracy that went on.”
Yet again, Berg would not offer details.
“I can’t share the information we have uncovered,” Berg says with a laugh. “Hopefully the law will prevail. I am still a believer.”
The desperate Japanese soldiers struggled on, believing that it was only a matter of time before the emperor would devise a magical weapon to make the enemy cower into surrender.
For Berg, that secret weapon is the subpoena.
“I am going to subpoena Harris and the head of the firm from Georgia,” says Berg with some glee. “I have a whole list of people. I am going to subpoena the records from the U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner, who is looking into this.”
While stopping short of subpoenaing the press, Berg adds that “the Miami Herald and a consortium of Florida newspapers are conducting their own count investigations. They have a lot of information that will come forward.”
All well and good.
But first a judge has to allow the suit to go forward, no easy task considering that the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday shot down an attempt by another aggrieved Democrat to seek redress via the courts.
And then, the deponent has to actually answer the toughest questions. Even if Berg’s Hail Mary bombshell does find its way before a judge, Harris et al can, and most likely will, tell Berg’s barristers to pound that gorgeous Florida sand whenever there is a question of much substance.
So bonzai to you, Mr. Berg.
The Fat Lady may have sung.
But there’s no crime in questioning the tune.
