Editor’s Choice
City Paper Choice Awards Issue 1996
Awards
The Nikita Kruschev Freedom of Information Award
To State Sen. Vincent Fumo, for meritorious sealing of public records never before sealed.
The Elizabeth Taylor Love Is Forever Trophy
To fired Phillies manager Jim Fregosi and general manager Lee Thomas for their very public lovespat.
The Roseanne Barr Love Is Forever Trophy
To Striped Bass owner Neil Stein and chef Allison Barshak, for their very public lovespat.
The ET Phone Home Honorarium
To former Villanova hoopster Kerry Kittles, who rang up thousands of dollars in phone calls on a university calling card.
The Dirty Harry Make My Day Award
To consumer activist Lance Haver, for daring DA Lynne Abraham to arrest him for registering his car outside city limits.
The Plan 9 From Outer Space Award
To DA Lynne Abraham, for selling her office to the insurance industry.
The Glenn or Glenda Fashion Award
DA Lynne Abraham.
The Don Vito Carleone Irony Cup
To reputed mobster Tony “Buck” Piccollo, for telling reporters “now you know how easy it is” after Daily News mob scribe Kitty Caparella exterminated a roach in federal court during the John Stanfa trial.
The Tony “Buck” Piccollo Exterminator Award
To Kitty Caparella, for her hit on the roach.
The Richard Simmons Prozac Plaque
To ultra-hyper new Sixers owner Pat Croce.
The Riddler Envy Award
To Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky, for repeated sightings in a hideous purple coat last seen worn by Frank Gorshin.
The NAACP Vanilla Thunder Award
To State Rep. Michael McGeehan, for most outstanding use of the word nigger.
The Indira Gandhi Humanitarian Award
To Barbara Hafer for her genteel campaign style.
The Mohandus Gandhi Humanitarian Award
To John Street and Cardinal Bevilaqua, for insisting that same-sex couplings will doom the institution of marriage.
The She Ain’t Heavy She’s My Mother Award
To state treasurer candidate Mina Jane Knoll, for changing her middle name to Baker so voters could confuse her with outgoing State Treasurer Catherine Baker Knoll.
The Amelia Earhart Missing In Action Award
To Lt. Gov. Mark Schweiker. Is he still alive?
The No Virginia, There Is No Santa Clause
To Ed Rendell, for thinking that legalized gambling will save the city.
The Ebenezer Scrooge Employer Of The Year Award
To Inky Publisher Bob Hall, for telling employees to stay home during a blizzard, then docking them for not showing up.
The Wayland Smithers Sycophant Award
To Rendell administration chief apologist Dave Davies.
The Police Chief Wiggums Asleep At The Wheel Award
To the police officers who were too busy snoozing in their van to accept a gun found on the street.
The Ned Flanders Hi-DE-LEE-HO Award
To Weekly Editor Tim Whitaker, for valorous imitation of Ned Flanders.
The Marge Simpson High Hopes Award
To Forum publisher Dan Rottenberg, for holding on to the dream that one day, advertisers really will send money to his woebegone publication.
The Kent Brockman Vacuous Anchor Award
To the forever witless Channel 10 anchor Ken Matz, for his consistently inane banter and wooden smile.
The Montgomery Burns Idle Rich Award
To former City Paper publisher Bruce Schimmel.
The Dolly Parton Golden Globes
To Deputy Mayor Herb Vederman, for allegedly mistaking breasts for a hat.
The Christy Canyon Family Service Double D Cup
To former L&I; guy Frank Antico, for his efforts to get his son a titty bar license.
The Savoir-Faire Is Everywhere Award
To ubiquitous ticket guy Nathan Lerner.
The Selena Fan Club Of The Year Award
To the Friends of Nathan Lerner, for meritorious service in the writing of letters to newspapers.
The Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard Award
To music producer Dave “Stiff” Johnson, famed record engineer Shelly Yakus and Tongue And Groove studio honcho Michael Block for the best unintentional Stooge imitation in history.
The Clark Kent “Get Me Rewrite” Award
To Inky scribe Peter Nicholas, for meritorious service in following up City Paper articles.
The Woodstein Best Daily Reporters in Town Award
To the Inky’s Mark Fazlollah and the Daily News‘ Jim Nolan, for proving that the dailies can still bang out great stories about the city.
The Janet Cooke Truth In Journalism Award
To Weekly Editor Tim Whitaker, for forgetting that truth is stranger than fiction and the difference between the two.
The Pied Piper Lemming Award
To the rabid supporters of Mumia Abu-Jamal.
The Bruno Hauptmann Award
To Eagles owner Richard Lurie, for threatening to kidnap the team from Philadelphia.
The David Copperfield Magician Award
To noted club owner Ricky Blatstein, for fiduciary genius in turning a multimillion-dollar debt into a Delaware Avenue empire.
